Suffering from long periods of insomnia lately. According to the wise sages, sheep counting is the way to go, should we ever suffer from the inability to sleep. But, that I say, is bloody bullsheep. I never really knew how to count sheeps correctly, but at least I tried, and I have come up with three of the most effective ways to count sheeps.

Method 1: I pictured a beautiful horizon in the background, with sheeps in the foreground. The first time a sheep jumped over the fence, I shouted out "1 sheep!", then followed by "2 sheeps!", "3 sheeps!" etc. This never worked, because my mum would just get out of bed the moment I reached my fifth sheep, and own my ass for waking her up in the middle of the night.

Method 2: Instead of shouting out the number of sheeps loudly, I just counted them out silently in my mind. "1 sheep, 2nd sheep, 3rd sheep, 4th sheep, ..., 626th sheep, 627th sheep, 628th sheep, ..." I stopped at the 15783rd sheep, because it was time to get out of bed, change up and get ready to go to school.

Method 3: Forget the nicely decorated fences. If the "soft" method doesn't work, go for the "hard" method. Use rings of fire instead of damn fences, just like what they do to elephants in the circus, by making them jump through it. The thought of roast sheep might get your brain severely drained. I have yet to prove if this does indeed work, because I always end up with nightmares.

Sheep counting doesn't work, period. At least not based on my methods.